Atheism, Bible, Christianity, pope, pope francis, Religion, USA

The bible – comedy of errors from line one

Before being sent hate mail for stealing someone else’s work – I would like to say this piece is inspired by an episode of ‘the atheist experience’. According to reddit a speech about the comedy of errors in the bible was created by Matt Dillahuanty, but in a recent episode one of the other hosts also made this point (which inspired me). I am at no point claiming this as an original thought, although I will go into further detail, I will also start a little earlier than they did.

In the beginning…

“God created the heaven and earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the spirit of god moved upon the face of the waters.”

How, if the world was without form, can there be a “deep”? A deep what? How does something without form have a deep face? Google “form” if you need to clarify the definition. Furthermore where the fuck did these “waters” come from? There is no form, god has not made any water yet – Fail #1

“God said let there be light” I would allow this, but we notice 8 verses later god “let(s) there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from night;”

Not only does this incorrectly explain how days and nights occur (yes, god would fail a 5 year old’s science exam – on the topic of a world he created), but it also makes absolutely no sense. If these lights in the heavens (let’s call them stars – the only place natural light comes from) were created in the 14th verse, where did the light come from in the 3rd verse? Without stars there is no source of light at all – therefore god either lied about the 3rd verse, or he relayed the message to his followers incorrectly, or the story is bollocks. Before you think the second point could be true, remember you would be concluding that this perfect god made a massive mistake literally a few words into his own book.

So here we are only 6 verses into a “perfect” book, finding numerous illogical statements and clear falsehoods. I ask of you how can a thinking person get past these initial verses without firstly noticing the problems & secondly ignore them to accept the account as reputable – this is intellectual deceit. One must relieve themselves of mental faculty and put aside any rationality they hold to agree to the validity of this book. Hand on heart I can confirm, as many others before me have, not a page can be turned within the bible without finding one single fallacy, incorrect statement or morally foul passage. I hope I don’t have to document each individually, but I may do pop back into the deep well of errors from time to time.

The Bible is a comedy of errors. God creates the world with only 1 person…and that turns out to be a mistake, so he makes a companion. Two people in the world, one rule…whoops, that failed. Let’s kick them out and make life more difficult, in the hopes that this will work…whoops, that failed. OK, let’s drown everyone on the planet except for the one most righteous family…whoops, that failed. As a punishment of supposedly exploration let’s confuse their languages so they can never understand each other… that failed. Cast them on different continents to segregate them … that failed. Let’s pick just one small group as the chosen group and swear to protect them whilst mandating them certain pieces of land… that failed. Let’s ignore them for a while, maybe that will make them better … that failed. Let’s pick and guide one king…fail. Let’s send ourselves down and take human form in order to sacrifice ourselves to ourselves as a loophole for a rule that we made…epic fail. Let’s create humans sick and demand them to not only be well, but force that they firstly feel guilty and seek repentanceĀ for an ill cast upon hem without their knowledge or say so … fail.

I admit much of this is out-of-order, but here is a quick overview of a few random fails from within the arc of the bible. There are hundreds more and that is a conservative number, I assure you.

Join me next time for more biblical errors. Please like, share and comment if you would be so kind. (especially share on theist pages)

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11 thoughts on “The bible – comedy of errors from line one

  1. The first error is not an error because “when” is irrelevant and completely misses the point.

    The second is not an error because the Bible is not an astronomy book.

    The Bible is the story of God’s Plan of Salvation for mankind written by people who didn’t even know what the stars and the sun and the moon actually were.

    Applying modern knowledge of astronomy to Bronze Age people is ridiculous.

    Like

    • 1, when is not irrelevant when you are telling a story. It is in fact wholly relevant.
      2, incorrect it is an error – correct, the bible is not an astronomy book, it attempts to be but fails. It is claiming the details as fact, you don’t get to choose what parts of the bible you feel are real and which are to be taken as a guess. These are supposedly gods word, so are you calling god wrong? Because I have proved it.
      3, oh thank you for telling me what you think they bible means. Funny how when it was written and compiled, the bible was taken as literal fact for thousands of years, by the people who also wrote it. But no bother, you the messiah are here to tell all those for the past few thousand years that they are wrong and in fact YOU have the answer.

      Believing the bible is real,yet not believing other parts, and believing that god is perfect and knows all of the past present and future, but he failed to know what modern astronomy would say – is ridiculous.

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      • Not literary standards. I’m not critiqing their writing style. You are claiming that we shouldn’t take the book as fact, then what is a holy book for? You only take it as an interpretation because it has been proven false if the astronomy was correct you would say “ah god knew futuristic astronomy!”

        You either think the bible is gods word or not,if God chose to have bronze age uneducated people to relay his words 1, he’s an idiot 2, there is no point in believing any part of it as it is clearly not written by smarter, enlightened or even morally superior people. Wouldn’t you agree (logic will be needed)

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      • No I’m obviously not. You either believe the bible as literal (if not then why do you believe creation?) Or you believe god was idiotic enough to give his word to bronze age people with no knowledge of science. Why would god not have given his word to the Chinese who already had civilisation, books, philosophers etc?

        Why do you believe creation as literal, but not genesis? Either answer or ignore. And to reply to your atheist question in your latest attempt at writing, abortion is not murder, a foetus is not a fully formed person, there are more cells on the end of the skin on my nose then there are in a 9week old foetus – but you won’t cry bloody murder when I scratch my nose and kill 100000 cells, and will cry bloody murder when a foetus of 150 cells is terminated. Idiocy.

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      • jfp,

        You don’t get to dictate how people interpret the Bible.

        The Bible is a Christian tome, first compiled by the Catholic Church in late antiquity (382AD).

        It’s meaning was interpreted by Jesus Christ, the founder of Christianity.

        Just as it would be ludicrous for a New England Puritan to interpret the Bhagavad gita for the Hindus, it is just as ludicrous for the atheist to interpret the Bible for Christians.

        Like

      • So you cannot answer the questions go figure.
        “You dont get to dictate how people interpret the bible”

        But you can…

        “Its meaning was interpreted by jesus christ, the founder of christianity”

        Oh dear. False. Jesus was not alive when the book was compiled so he could not interpret it, Jesus also never once mentioned any faults in the old testament (in fact he confirmed he was there to complete his fathers work by keeping his father’s laws. So Jesus believed in genesis … But you know more than him.

        Atheists actually read the bible and don’t make excuses for it, unlike you.

        Like

      • jfp,

        Jesus lived with his Apostles for 3 years, 24/7, 365. He trained them and taught them the meaning of scripture going back to Adam and Eve.

        Jesus taught the meaning of biblical scripture in the Jewish synagogues.

        Consequently, what you read in the New Testament are tales from actual witnesses of the life and times of Jesus Christ.

        As to why God picked the ancient Hebrews instead of the Chinese as the Chosen People, you’ll have to ask God about that.

        That question, though interesting is also irrelevant.

        The atheist tries to make his case against the Bible through irrelevance.

        That is a logical fallacy.

        Like

      • So you cannot answer the questions again. So much false in your latest comment there is no point, as you won’t learn or listen to facts, reason or science. Finally, that is not logical fallacy, you don’t understand them – again, go figure.

        Like

      • jfp,

        There is nothing false in any of my comments since what I am saying here is taught in most graduate level philosophy classes and is clearly stated in the Bible itself.

        You haven’t shown how any of my statements are false.

        You do what atheists always do and that is simply make a claim and expect everyone to accept it as true.

        That is also a logical fallacy called establishing yourself as the authority for your own argument.

        Like

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