pope, pope francis

Pope now says “Dogs allowed in Heaven”

This will be short and sweet.

Long ago are the days when what The Pope said actually meant something. 1.2 Billion Catholics’ hardly live by his word or truly show their belief as they should according to canon. It is still a fashionable distraction in the life of Catholics’ to discuss the goings on of the current pope; has he now just turned into a parody?

Once the Pope would say “from now on we only eat meat on these days” and billions would not dare oppose him; Once he would say “the planets and the sun revolve around the earth” and you would be tortured for saying the opposite, now he just wears silly hats, sits on billions in cash and art (whilst saying we should help the poor) and says things that were modern 150 years ago – like “evolution is real”.

The Pope has now concluded that dogs CAN get into heaven, even though God told us nothing of this in his best selling novel – the bible (both parts – “perfect word #1” and the revamped “Forget that bollocks, new covenant bitches – Perfect word #2”).

According to Italian news sources, his highness said “One day, we will see our animals again in the eternity of Christ. Paradise is open to all of God’s creatures.”

I often wonder, how deep the Pope must reach into his own ass to find this nonsense, I half expect his next press release to state “God has chosen a side … Adidas”

Franky the meek has not only delved into the shamelessness of pandering to the animal lovers of the world, despite the factual insignificance of them in God’s perfect book – but he has also began to speak on pseudo-scientific beliefs. He now says animals have souls! Don’t worry about him explaining what a soul actually is, because he won’t – but still, he knows, certain animals of his choice have them … even though there are specific rules that God gives to people to get into heaven. God never says, “as long as you have a soul it doesn’t matter if you’re gay” but it seems now dogs get a privilege that humans were never privy to. Maybe other animals are the master race? Maybe it was all put on earth for them? Why is it easier for a donkey to get through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into the kingdom of heaven – but a dog can shit on my bed and still get into the kingdom?

He said, regarding souls “We have to admit that these are sentient beings, and they mean something to God.”
So they “mean” something, but he (God) never cared to mention them in any special way? Does he also like Kangaroos? because he never mentioned them once – it’s as if he had never visited the separate continent where those animals lived…

To be fair, I could sit with a glass of red wine and wait for Pope Francis to speak, each time I would find a hilarious thing to write about, he is a writers dream; if comedians had more balls he would also be a comedians dream, but I won’t waste much more time on him … for now.

In his current state, he is as useful as a charitable hobo or a chocolate teapot. He says lots about the poor: but according to my sources he has yet to melt down his golden thrown and sell it to Cash 4 Gold and give the proceeds to the poor. He says somewhat nice things about gays and women: whilst adhering to the traditional values of his holy book which clearly disrespect and treat with disgust such people.

What used to be a position of power is now a semi-celebrity-like guise which holds nothing but a hollow story for news channels to use; that is of course when they are out of stories about what new thing we should all be afraid of, the rapists and killers next door, the wars, how cannabis is going to kill your children, but your pregnant wife can have one glass of wine “to keep her heart healthy” – and what ever black person Kim Kardashian (or her family members) have slept with that week.

What complete shite, why am I even writing about this?


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